Buying and Using Your First Strap-on

As you read the evening newspaper and flip the page, you hear your wife calling you from the bedroom in her signature ready-to-play voice. The workday has been stressful and long, but right now your wife wants to set your mind at ease. You set down your paper and move toward the bedroom. As pass the doorway, you see her standing by the bed in her silk robe. She opens it, allowing the fabric to fall to the floor. Watching her step forward in the lace ensemble you bought her for Christmas, your throat tightens. Then you see it. Extending from between her legs is an eight-inch strap-on. You start to back away, to object. She tells you not to worry. Your wife understands. You’ve had a tough day at the office. It’s time to bend over and let her do all the work.

Whew! I had to set my wet panties beside the keyboard after that one. Nothing like some good old fashion strap-on sex to humble a man. Is there anything better? So many kinks wrapped up into such a simple fetish. There’s the physical act of bending over in a submissive pose, the hints of forced bi, the tapping into deep-rooted fears of rape. With a little dress up, feminization can easily be added. Gender roles are reversed. Considering the number of kinks at work, it’s no wonder that strap-on is such a popular fetish.

First, can we seriously get a committee of lexicographers together to decide if it’s spelled strap-on, strapon, or strap on? Macmillan, I’m looking at you.

Since I’m a fan of hyphens, I guess I’ll stick with strap-on.

Selecting a Strap-On

If you’re a sub, I’m assuming you have a partner to play with. If not, I’ll be writing an upcoming series of blog posts about making your submissive fantasies a reality, whether it’s telling your significant other, finding a play partner, and/or visiting a pro domme. Check back for those updates.

The one word of advice I’ll give on purchasing a strap-on is to remember the idiom, “Your eyes are bigger than your stomach.” The same is true when picking out a strap-on. Often the sub’s eyes are bigger than his anus. That nine-inch beast may get you rock hard when viewing it on the computer screen, but unless you’re advance with anal play, that thing’s probably not going inside no matter how much lube you use.

Also, don’t assume that just because you’ve used butt plugs in the past that this should be good measure of how big of a strap-on you can take. A butt plug remains in place. Just because you can get it in once doesn’t mean you can easily endure the thrusting motions of your partner fucking you.

The most important dimension is not length. Most men’s asses are long enough to take six inches. Width is what causes most of the problems. And since strap-ons are primarily made for women, the widths are often too large for an anus. Anything over an inch for a first timer is probably too much. Almost all strap-on dildos will tell you its width in the product details, so you shouldn’t have a problem finding it.

Avoid the curved dildos. These are designed to hit a woman’s G-spot and won’t work well for a man’s anatomy. And please don’t get a glass dildo. These are decorative and have no business near your body, and since they take so long to warm and are hard, I can’t imagine them feeling good. Go with silicone or CyberSkin materials. Both are the most realistic materials, the latter being more so.

Don’t overlook the harness either. Make sure it’s a comfortable looking one. If you’re feeling more adventurous, get a double-sided or vibrating harness. There’s no reason that the receiver should get all the fun.

Lube to Use

I recommend getting JO Premium. It’s the only silicone lube that can be used with silicone sex toys. Silicone can be a pain to get off, but it’s better than anal lube. I would avoid water-based lubes. They dry out the anus because the rectum absorbs water, causing swelling and increasing the amount of micro tears in the rectum walls.

As a side note, if you’re planning to use condoms with your strap-on play, silicone based lubes also won’t break down condoms like petroleum-based lubes will, e.g., Vaseline. But remember that JO Premium is the only silicone you can use with silicone-based products.

Using a Strap-on

Avoid defecating for at least several hours to avoid . . . well, let’s not go there. Condoms make cleanups easier. For some, condoms can also lend to the realism of the experience, adding to the humiliation factor.

While it’s pretty obvious to add lube to the dildo, don’t forget to lube the hole it’s going in. If you have trouble fitting the strap-on, a butt plug for ten minutes can help loosen things up.


Start off slowly. If you spot any blood, stop immediately and don’t try again for several days. The biggest public service announcement here is cleanup. Dish soap works fine. We all hate cleanup after sex, but germs are probably the biggest threat lurking in any dungeon or kink chest.

I think that’s about all. If you have any questions, or if you think I’ve left something important out, let me know below.