I’ll admit it. I love ruined orgasms. It’s one I can rarely avoid exploring in my writing. I don’t know how many of my readers have experienced a ruined orgasm, but I thought I’d offer a quick guide on the techniques and terms associated with this particular fetish.
What is it?
While a ruined orgasm may incorporate tease and denial, the two are not the same. In tease and denial, the male sub is commonly brought to the edge before all stimulation is stopped. The male doesn’t come. End of story. Ruined orgasms go further by allowing semen to be released without allowing a proper orgasm. This can be anything from one drop of semen or multiple ruined orgasms that completely drain the sub.
The important aspect to remember with all of these techniques is that stimulation must be stopped when the man begins having contractions. Semen leaving the body alone will not cause an orgasm. Orgasms occur because of stimulation to the penis during the period of contractions before and during ejaculation.
Partially Ruined vs. Completely Ruined
Before discussing the techniques, let’s make sure we’re all talking about the same thing when I say ruined orgasm.
Beginners will often masturbate the slave until the first shot of cum is expelled before ceasing stimulation. In my opinion, this is a partially ruined orgasm rather than a truly ruined one. As explained above, an orgasm begins before semen is released. If you’re masturbating your partner or yourself up until the point at which semen is coming out, you’ve probably gone too far. Most of the orgasm will be defeated, but a partial orgasm will still occur.
Before an orgasm begins, there is the so-called point of no return. This is the moment where any additional stimulation will result in contractions and semen being released. Continuing stimulation at this point will result in orgasmic feelings. The trick is to stop during the small window after the point of no return but before an orgasm begins. Therefore, timing is crucial for a proper ruined orgasm.
Below are several methods to use.
This is the most common type of ruined orgasm. All you have to do is stroke until the point of no return and then let go. Most of the time, not all of the semen is released unless several more strokes are given. While this can be done, realize that every additional stroke risks causing a partial orgasm.
If done correctly, semen squirts or dribbles out sans orgasm. I think this method is best for a long and frustrating tease and denial session where the sub doesn’t know if he’s going to come or not. When he sees that you’re going all the way, he expects to have an Earth-shattering orgasm. The numbing reality of a ruined orgasm can leave him stunned and defeated. Perfect for training your sub to never underestimate your ability to surprise him. An unexpected ruined orgasm will have him wondering whether he’ll really be coming the next time around.
This is my favorite form of ruined orgasms. It’s very similar to abandonment except it causes only a few drops of semen to be released at a time. This technique takes a lot of practice and understanding of the different signs for when your sub is approaching the point of no return.
The trick to this method is to ease back from stimulating the sub’s member as he nears an orgasm. I usually go from using an entire hand all the way down to one finger lightly touching to keep the sub on edge. I use that one finger to draw out a tiny amount of semen and watch the penis bob up and down (a feather is also great to use), halting all stimulation until the contractions pass. I then test the penis with one finger and slowly return my entire hand. I try to avoid the glans, focusing on the less sensitive shaft skin. If done long enough, the penis can be bleed by only rubbing the inner thighs.
Trust me when I say you haven’t experienced tease and denial until you’ve experienced this level of desperation. When I first met my sub, he was a self-proclaimed delayed ejaculator, i.e., he took a long fucking time to come. Watching his ass squirm as I leaked his seed with only my nails raking his inner thighs was a sight to behold.
After the contractions cease, the sub is stimulated again. This is repeated over and over until the sub has been completely drained. This can be concluded by stroking to a dry, unsatisfying orgasm. Subs describe this as a sore, burning sensation that is quite unpleasant. I love this method so much because the sub can literally be kept on the edge of an orgasm for the better part of an hour or longer.
Afterwards, the sub has no choice except to wait until his little gonads have reproduced enough semen for a proper orgasm. This can be great fun to incorporate with chastity. He’ll still be horny as ever and ready to serve you in any way you see fit.
For this method, the thumb or another foreign object blocks semen from escaping the urethra, causing a painful retrograde ejaculation. If you’ve experimented with urethral sounds, you’re probably somewhat familiar with what this feels like. You can stroke normally while keeping a firm finger or a plug capping the semen’s egress.
As he tries to come, the semen is recycled back into the body, allowing the process to be repeated. There are concerns this can cause health problems if done often, so approach this at your own risk. Personally, I can attest to knowing individuals who have been practicing thumbing for years with no adverse effects, though such experiences are purely anecdotal.
Blocking the urethra with your finger can be difficult. The penis will contract and semen shoots out with surprising pressure. A tight seal has to be formed to hold it all in. If you’re looking to use your fingers, the thumb works best for this while keeping a firm grip of the head. If you’re interested in using a foreign object, I would advise against Q-tips. They should never be used for insertion. Pick up a penis plug or a sound. They’re quite affordable and much safer.
Slapping or “thwacking”
If you enjoy CBT with ruined orgasms, you’ll like this one. It’s basically an abandoned ruined orgasm with one small catch. Immediately after stimulation is stopped, the frenulum on the underside of the head is slapped hard. If timed correctly, this will cause semen to dribble out.
It’s best to have the sub tied up for this one. Also, you might want to tie down his member so that it won’t be moving when you’re ready to give it a whack.
Squeezing/Spanking the Genitals
This can be a very painful method. If the squeezing is done hard enough, most, if not all, of the semen is prevented from escaping. For men who are true pain sluts, spanking the balls alone can cause ejaculation. Some women will also choose to continuing stroking the sub while spanking or squeezing the genitals to create a mix of CBT with an orgasm.
Squeezing or spanking the balls can be a good method to spring on the sub unexpectedly. Just be sure to have him tied down when doing it. The look on his face as you clamp down on his genitals at the point of no return is priceless.
Squeezing the Shaft
Another CBT-variant of a ruined orgasm. After the point of no return, the shaft of the cock is squeezed, preventing semen from shooting out in a forceful manner. Unlike plugging the opening of the urethra, semen will be expelled. This method destroys most of the orgasm and can cause a very alien-like sensation in its place. The same risks apply to this method as plugging so proceed with caution.
This one can take a little practice. You want to squeeze hard enough to stop the propulsion of semen without causing damage. I think this one is best enjoyed by the domme because it allows her to feel the force of the semen being stopped and the contractions of the ruined orgasm, offering her a very empowering experience. It can also be quite a mind fuck for the sub. By having his mistress’ hand on his member, he knows that even the slightest movement will give him an orgasm. He’s so close and yet so far away. Squeezing his shaft will also cause his head to swell in frustration as those milky tears leak out.
After a prolonged period of tease and denial, rubbing the testicles can send the sub over the edge. A Hitachi Magic Wand works great for this method. For best results, I would advise having the testicles tied so that they protrude and are pressed together. This will allow the vibrations to run through both balls more easily. A chastity device can also be incorporated. The metal or plastic frame of a chastity device will send the vibrations through the shaft, stimulating it to a very weak and frustrating orgasm. This is a great method for the chastity slave who’s complaining about having full balls. And what’s even better is that the slave doesn’t need to have his chastity device removed!
As a side note, this is why I believe that every chastity slave, no matter how great the device may be, is on an honor system. You can read my prior post THE PROBLEM WITH CHASTITY BELTS to learn more about the realities and limitations of chastity devices and belts.
One trick I’ve learned is to use a dimmer switch with the Hitachi Magic Wand. The two settings of the Hitachi Magic Wand are often too strong, causing more numbness than excitement. With a dimmer switch, you can find that perfect setting to make your sub to explode. Dimmer switches are also super cheap and easy to use. Definitely pick one up no matter how you’re planning to use a Hitachi Magic Wand.
Any long-term chastity slave will be familiar with prostate milking. Technically, I suppose prostate milking is a ruined orgasm, so I thought I’d include it in this list. Prostate milking is the stimulation of the man’s prostate until semen is released. While prostate massages can produce intense orgasms when accompanied with rubbing the penis, I’m going to only discuss the ruined variety.
While fingers can be used to knead the prostate, prostate massagers are often helpful for beginners. Everyone has their preference, so it’s good to experiment in order to see what works for you and your partner. A bent over position usually works best to provide easy access to the prostate.
For most men, the prostate is located about 1.5 inches inside the anus and is roughly the size of a walnut. When you find it, the sub should feel a buzzing sensation. Because the bladder is right next to the prostate, your sub may feel like he has to pee. If this does occur, massage more gently. You’re probably rubbing too hard and pushing the prostate against the bladder. See below on the risks associated with an overly aggressive prostate massage.
The easiest way to milk the prostate is to stroke the head and shaft while rubbing the prostate with a massager or your fingers. You’ll need to do this for a while so be in a comfortable spot. If you’re stroking, milking can take only about ten minutes, but if you’re only massaging the prostate, this can take up to an hour to complete and usually only works if the sub hasn’t ejaculated in about a week.
For those stroking the penis while massaging, when the prostate begins to harden and push against the massager/fingers, stop all stimulation to the penis (continue massaging the prostate, though). This means the prostate is contracting and the release of semen is imminent. If you’re looking to avoid all contact with the penis and testicles to ensure the least amount of pleasure, I suggest massaging the perineum (that’s the dark area between the testicles and anus) while stimulating the prostate.
I want to give an upfront warning about prostate massaging. It should be done so gently. Do not–I repeat–DO NOT massage vigorously. Doing so is potentially life threatening. See below from the Prostatitis Network. I encourage you to click the link and read the entire article. I’ve included what I believe is the most important section.
However, vigorous prostatic massage may be very dangerous:
- If you have acute bacterial prostatitis it can result in septicemia (blood poisoning).
- If you have the beginnings of a carcinoma in your prostate, it could conceivably result in the cancer being disturbed, broken up and metastasizing (spreading) around your body.
- It can result in prostatic calculi (little prostate stones made of calcium, if you have them, and they are quite common) tearing the delicate membranes in the prostate, exacerbating your CP/CPPS.
- There is a chance of perforation of the very thin rectal lining adjacent to the prostate, or tearing the rectal lining with a fingernail or implement.
- It may cause a hemorrhoid flare-up.
In the case of #5, a man almost died, so please take what’s being discussed seriously. If you notice any blood during a prostate massage, stop immediately. Always remember to follow safe, sane, and consensual.
Following a ruined orgasm, the sub is still just as aroused as before. The usual sexual relief offered by an orgasm is avoided by a ruined one. If you’ve ever worked with a male sub, you know how easily an orgasm can destroy his submissive tendencies. Not so with a ruined orgasm. Even if he decides to masturbate, if properly drained, nothing will happen until he waits for his semen to be replaced. Men often say it feels like their vitality has been drained without their submission being weakened.
Until the next time you decide to let him come, he should fill his time with more important activities like going down on his mistress
I hope you found this short guide helpful. There’s probably a million different ways to ruin an orgasm. Use your imagination and I’m sure you’ll have fun. Not letting your sub know if or what kind of ruined orgasm he’s going to be experiencing can also create a kinky experience. Let me know if you have any additional methods. I’m always looking for new things to try.